“I went to the doctor at one point for a cough or something, and I remember her looking at my back and saying, ‘Hmm, you should probably get that checked out,” and of course I didn’t follow up. it was just a mole, and truth be told, I can’t see it, it’s on my back; it didn’t hurt, but it started to form and get very hard. 

I had started to get very tired. I had bought a new home, and I figured it was from putting all that together, and working so hard.  I would have sweats at night, and my back hurt. Then, when I went to Dr. Kelleher, and he took the biopsy and found out it was a malignant tumor, I was blown away.

One of the first things that I asked when I had my surgery was, ‘Is this my fault? I waited 6 months to come and get this checked. Did I participate in taking my daughter’s daddy away?’

He said ‘No, this was such an aggressive tumor … 6 months would have made no difference.’ 

Our minds just shift, when this type of thing happens, and I think people in my situation would understand when I say that we can get better or we can take a nose dive. I refuse to die.”  - Evan Katz “The Anger Guy”

Evan Katz is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping angry men to release their anger in exchange for a happier life and fulfilling relationships. He’s really pretty good at what he does as hundreds of men will testify who’ve found new and better lives after working with him in therapy.

There’s a reason Evan’s good at his job… and that’s because he was one of these angry men himself.  Still more… his father was one of these angry men. Evan knows what it is to be the innocent, heart-broken child of an angry parent. Evan knows what it is to see that same anger building inside himself and taking him over.  He knows what it is to see himself lashing out in the same way his father did and realizing his own innocent child would become like him if she grew up in the kind of atmosphere he had. Evan knows what it is to wake up and realize he was the only one who could change himself, and that he could not do it alone…but needed help.

Evan knows.

Evan also knows that with all the transformation he has experienced, that there are still things out there that can cut you off at the knees and and bring back the old ghosts.

Evan knows that no matter how much we accomplish in life, at times we’re just human…and nothing brings us to face our humanness like cancer.

Evan knows.

In the summer of 2010, Evan was diagnosed with stage III-B melanoma.  He was told that the five year survival rate for those with this diagnosis at this stage is less than 17%.   He was shocked, worried, disappointedl… and you know what else?

Evan was angry.

Once again, he set out to release the anger and face what it represented. Then he applied the stance of gratitude, joy and living for the moment that so many of us miss in life.  After the chemotherapy ravaged his body, he focused on getting back to work doing what he does best and living for the purpose he believes in.

Now, a year and a half later, he has had more surgeries for suspicious moles on his back.  He takes care of business with the surgeon,  then turns his attention to his work: helping angry men find freedom.

Does he enjoy those surgeries?  No. Does he worry about the biopsies? Of course he does.  Does he allow those things to interrupt his mission?  Never.

Melanoma Warriors

In the course of his chemotherapy, Evan found comfort and inspiration from the writings of those who wage their own personal wars on melanoma. Often referred to as Melanoma Warriors, Evan realized he was a soldier in that same army.  He also saw that he was not alone, and that everyone who fights melanoma is a warrior and all should be decorated for their courage in battle.

Evan made a commitment.  His commitment was this: that as he traveled around speaking to his groups around the US about his methods and philosophies for overcoming anger and changing thinking that leads to it, he would donate a percentage of his earnings to a cancer charity in that community as a way of giving back.

At the time of this writing, he’s in the process of initiating a foundation for these funds and encourages others to follow. He speaks of the ‘luscious’ way of feeling alive that comes with sharing his freedom with those who hunger for it, and sharing his income for those who fight cancer.

Overall, Evan has learned that every day is a gift, every breath a blessing that’s irreplaceable.  He’s determined to make the very most of every moment.

Tim McGraw’s popular song  expresses what only some understand:

… “I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,

“I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.

“And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,

“And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.”

 An’ he said: “Some day, I hope you get the chance,

“To live like you were dyin’.”

Epicurus said, “The art of living well and the art of dying well are one.” Evan’s learned that living well and dying well are both an important part of life, and that none of us has a guarantee on when the latter will happen. So the only way to live is in the moment and making the most of it, with a plan for dying well when the time comes.

It’s been said that living well is the best revenge, but Evan believes that living strong is far better.

He wears the yellow bracelet of LIVESTRONG to show his solidarity with their advocacy for cancer survivors.  Read more about Lance Armstrong and LIVESTRONG.com.

Written by a friend…

December 2011